LAUREN’S
STORY
1.
Lauren Parker sat at her desk,
staring at the phone. She knew she had
to call her daughter and tell her she would be late again. Why did she dread this? Perhaps it was because she knew she had been
lying to her—or at least not telling the whole truth.
‘Ginna is
almost seventeen years old,’ she thought.
‘She deserves to know the truth--’
Before she
could change her mind, she grabbed her cell phone and punched the speed-dial of
her home phone.
“Hello,
Mom?”
Lauren
breathed a slight sigh of relief that Ginna had answered, instead of her
thirteen-year-old son, Danny. This would
make it easier.
“Hi,
Honey. I’m going to be late again
tonight. Don’t wait supper on me.”
“I
know—just fix something for the two of us—oh, yeah—it’s just me—Danny isn’t
even here. He’s sleeping over at a
friend’s. How come I’m always the one
left home alone?”
Lauren
tried not to feel the ache that Ginna’s sarcasm caused her.
“So you’re
working late on that public relations project?”
“Partly that. But John has asked me to join him for dinner,
too.”
“You mean Mr. Cameron, your boss?”
“Yes.”
“Isn’t he
nearly ten years older than you, Mom—and married?”
‘Here
goes,’ thought Lauren. “Yes, he is. But you don’t realize that ten years is not
as big a deal when you’re thirty-five.
It’s not as much of my lifetime so far, as it is for you at sixteen.”
“Yeah,
Mom—I can do the math--”
“Please,
Ginna. I really need to see where this
will go. I need someone to care about me
as a woman. You have no idea what I went
through when your father left.”
“Danny and
I went through a lot, too, Mom! We still
are--”
“I know,
Honey. You would like to go back to Texas and the home we
had there. But, Ginna, that is all
gone. Tim took it from us, when he
walked out.”
Lauren had
to stop. Her throat was closing on
her. These were feelings she had never
wanted to dredge up—the deep, sharp pain of rejection—the feeling that she was
worthless, and did not deserve to be loved, ever again.
“Mom, are
you all right?”
So she could hear the pain. Ginna had always been perceptive.
“Yes,
Honey. Don’t wait up for me, okay?”
“Okay--”
‘Well, that
could have been worse,’ Lauren thought, after she hung up. ‘At least I have tried to be up front with
her.’
Just then, John
tapped on her half-open office door. She
hastily wiped the tears from her cheeks, and smiled up at him.
“Ready?” His voice had a rich, deep tone to it--that
always made her feel warm inside.
“Sure
am!” She grabbed her purse, and walked
out the door with him.
They both
worked at the High Plains Nuclear Plant near Deer Path, Colorado .
This was the job that had opened—almost miraculously. Her degree was in public information, and
once Tim had left her, she was able to fall back on it.
When this job had showed up on her
Internet query, it was too good to pass up, even though it meant leaving
Texas—which had been harder on Danny and Ginna than she’d thought it
would. Still, she really did enjoy the
job, and it kept her mind off the emptiness of their little house at the edge
of town.
Actually,
she felt guilty at times that the lives of her two children were not enough to
keep her happy and occupied. But she
knew she needed this job as a way to feel valuable—like she was contributing
something to the world—besides the fact that Tim was very lax in paying child
support, and so they needed her paychecks to get by.
By now, she
and John were standing in front of the elevator that would take them from their
third-floor offices to the ground level.
While they were standing there, Lauren heard her phone buzz.
“You have a
call?” John asked.
She looked
quickly at the phone’s screen. “Just a
text from my daughter. I’ll read it
later.”
With a
chime, the elevator arrived and the door slid open. They stepped in, and noted that they were
alone. As soon as the door slid shut,
John took her hand and drew her closer to him.
When the light for the second floor came on and back off, he tilted her
face up and kissed her deeply.
“Oh,
Lauren, I know you’re probably hungry, but I just want to be alone with you.”
She looked
up into his shining gray eyes. He was
not a truly handsome man, but he had something that set her heart
pounding. And it was so good to feel
that she had value to someone again—especially to someone like John.
2.
Ginna sighed as she hung up the
phone. So Mom was having an affair—that
seemed pretty clear. Not that she hadn’t
suspected--after all, she was not born yesterday.
‘I just
don’t want Mom to get hurt again,’ she thought.
She
understood how Mom still felt the pain of the divorce. But why couldn’t she find someone closer to
her own age—someone who wasn’t already married?
Well, Deer
Path was a small town, she knew, and there weren’t a lot of eligible guys
around. She had a boyfriend now at
school, Ryan. He was fun to be with, but
she couldn’t see spending the rest of her life with him. It was just nice to have a date to Prom, and
someone to hang out with on weekends.
Danny was in junior high now, and
seemed to be getting established with a circle of friends. In fact, tonight he was studying at Devon ’s, and would stay the night. Sure, it was a school night, but their mother
was lenient about such things.
Thinking of
Ryan made her wonder what kinds of feelings her mother had for John
Cameron. ‘I guess I really don’t know
how it feels to be in love—yet. Not
counting the feelings I experience for Jon ,’
she sighed. ‘But those are Martina’s feelings—not my own. At least I hope that’s so--”
She wondered how it had felt for
her mother when she had first fallen in love with Tim. They had met in high school, too. But now Mom had been warning Ginna not to
marry too young—like she and Tim had.
Still, they had been happy once—they must have.
‘I guess I
can understand Mom feeling like she needs to get even with Dad,’ she
thought. ‘But is this the way to do
it? I shouldn’t be in this position,
having to lecture my own mother on morality.
It should be the other way around.
But maybe it’s better to say what I think and get criticized for
it. The other way—if I don’t say what I
feel—I may wish later that I had.’
So, with a sigh, she decided to tell Mom how
she really felt about this, and got out her new cell phone to send her a text.
When she
had sent the text, she found she could not get her mind off the divorce—that
was really frustrating! The big split
had not come until Ginna was almost twelve.
She could still hear the angry words in her mind:
“I’ve found
someone else, Lauren. I’m sorry--”
“You
bastard! Why? Wasn’t I good enough for you? Wasn’t it enough that I gave up my career for
yours? That I gave you two beautiful
children! How can you do this to us?”
“You always
talk about what you gave up! Don’t you
see that makes me feel guilty?”
“Why should
you feel guilty? I love you, and I’d do
anything for you, Tim!”
“The only
thing you can do for me now is to let me go free!”
“Alright
then—go free! Get out of here, and never
come back! I don’t want to ever see your
lying face again!”
Of course,
Ginna knew they did have to see each
other again—in divorce court. Each had
to hire a lawyer, to help sort out who got what—Dad got the house, because by
that time Mom had found this job in Colorado . Mom had custody of her and Danny, and Dad had
some visitation rights. But for some
reason that Ginna didn’t understand, he never had used them. She and Danny had not seen him for the five
years since the divorce.
Now Ginna
found tears sliding down her cheeks. She
should be over all this by now! Why did
she have to even think about it? Angry
with herself, she stomped onto the rickety back porch and looked westward
toward the Rocky Mountains , that loomed far
away on the horizon.
Once—nearly five years ago now—she
and Danny had stood looking at a sunset similar to this one. And the two strangers had come—Jon and Jael.
They were time-travelers from the future, a Parallel Universe, they
said. Their story had been one of
finding hope in spite of trials and problems, and it had seemed to help Danny
somehow. She was not sure whether
anything would help her with the swirling turmoil of emotions she kept locked
inside.
The second time they had come,
Martina—Jael’s sister-- had come, too.
Having another girl to talk to had helped some. For a while she had been
‘inside’ Martina, too—sharing all her emotions and thoughts—both the good and
the bad.
“I could sure use a visit now,” she
sighed aloud. “I really miss
Martina. But I know they don’t come when
I want them—only when I really need
them.”
Still, she
kept her gaze on the horizon, wishing she could see figures walking toward
her—as they had before. Soon, however,
the sun had dipped behind the Front Range (as Colorado people called it) and the shadows
of evening stretched across the open field behind their house.
This little
old house on the edge of town was supposed to have been temporary—“until we can
find something better”—Mom had said. But
she didn’t even bother with saying that anymore. Every time Dad’s child support was late—or
didn’t come at all—she would just shrug and say, “Guess we’ll just keep on
renting for awhile.”
Once—nearly five years ago now—she
and Danny had stood looking at a sunset similar to this one. And the two strangers had come—Jon and Jael.
They were time-travelers from the future, a Parallel Universe, they
said. Their story had been one of
finding hope in spite of trials and problems, and it had seemed to help Danny
somehow. She was not sure whether anything
would help her with the swirling turmoil of emotions she kept locked inside.
The second time they had come,
Martina—Jael’s sister-- had come, too.
Having another girl to talk to had helped some. For a while she had been
‘inside’ Martina, too—sharing all her emotions and thoughts—both the good and
the bad.
“I could sure use a visit now,” she
sighed aloud. “I really miss
Martina. But I know they don’t come when
I want them—only when I really need
them.”
Still, she
kept her gaze on the horizon, wishing she could see figures walking toward
her—as they had before. Soon, however,
the sun had dipped behind the Front Range (as Colorado people called it) and the shadows
of evening stretched across the open field behind their house.
This little
old house on the edge of town was supposed to have been temporary—“until we can
find something better”—Mom had said. But
she didn’t even bother with saying that anymore. Every time Dad’s child support was late—or
didn’t come at all—she would just shrug and say, “Guess we’ll just keep on
renting for awhile.”
At last,
the sky turned to the purplish shade of twilight, and the first star—which was
probably a planet, she mused—shone above her.
Ginna turned and went toward the door.
Suddenly, a figure stepped out of the shadows at the other end of the
porch.
Ginna
screamed.
3.
Lauren
sat in the airport, waiting. She had sat
and stared for most of this two-hour layover in Denver .
Once, she had re-read that text from Ginna. She had gotten it that night when she and
John had first made love. But she had
not read it until afterwards, and she felt guilty about that, for Ginna had
said:
“Mom,
don’t think you’ll get back at Dad this way.
You’re the one who’ll get hurt, not Dad.”
Lauren
sighed and looked at her watch. Only
twenty more minutes. And John would be
on the plane when she boarded. She
didn’t know quite how to feel. There was
anticipation and excitement, mingled with a cool aloofness she hoped she could
maintain. She thought things might be
different now—not like the last time she was with him, when they had fallen
into each other’s arms so easily. She
didn’t think she should let herself go like that, this time.
Now
that he was not working in the same office she was, they had not seen each
other for awhile. She was not sure she
could handle the emotional turmoil of an affair anymore, especially since he
had shown no inclination to leave his wife.
She really did not like the idea of being ‘the other woman’. Besides all that, she knew now that she
really needed to share some things with him about spiritual matters. Why did that always seem so hard for her to
do?
Soon
she was walking toward the jetway to board the plane, surrounded by a crush of
people. She felt alone in this crowd,
enveloped in her own sphere of thoughts.
No one around her could have guessed that soon she would be seeing her
lover’s face again.
The
crowd flowed down the corridor, taking her with it. There was the door of the plane, the smiling
flight attendant checking her boarding pass.
Around the corner, through the first class section into the coach
cabin—three seats to the left, two to the right. Her eyes began to roam across the heads. They stopped to the right, halfway back. There he was—the smile and upraised
hand. She nodded and moved to take the
seat beside him.
“Hi,”
she said softly.
“How
are you?”
“Oh,
I’m fine.” The conversation was a bit awkward at first, so she asked, “How is
your sailing going?”
“Oh,
the weather hasn’t been very good. I ran
in a six-mile road race last weekend, though.”
She
found herself glancing at his broad shoulders and trim chest. He was very well-built for his age. And, yes—sexy, too.
Soon
they started comparing notes on the presentation they were to give at the
conference in St. Louis. She had
carefully prepared, wanting to make a good impression.
“I
just threw some stuff in my briefcase,” he laughed. “We can put it all together later. I know you will do great.”
“You
can afford to be that way,” she smiled.
“You’re already a supervisor—not like little me, who is trying so hard
to get noticed in the organization.
Besides, your part of the presentation is the more general stuff. Mine is more technical, and has to be
precise.”
“That’s
why it’s good you have that part,” he chuckled.
“You know, you’re good at what you do.”
“Sure
wish the higher-ups would give me credit for what I did,” she said. “Now my boss is telling me to settle down and
just do my old job.”
“You’re
kidding! Well, someday they will give
credit where credit is due.”
“I
sure hope so. Sometimes I get the
feeling that I just got used as cheap labor on this special project.”
“Sounds
a little bitter to me.”
“Well,
I do feel like I haven’t been treated fairly.”
“Just
hang in there for awhile. Things will
change.”
“That’s
all I can do, I guess. And I am excited about this presentation—I
hope it goes well.”
“With
your thorough preparations, I’m sure it will,” he smiled.
By
this time the plane was on its final approach to St. Louis airport.
***
The
first two days of the conference were very interesting. They were able to listen to the other
presentations and discuss approaches to take with theirs, which would be on the
third day. The evening before their
presentation, they sat in his room and worked on preparations. After he had finished his part, he flopped on
the bed: “I’m bushed!”
“Me
too. I think I’ll head for bed.”
“So
come on—join me,” he teased.
“You
think I won’t?” She slipped herself in
beside him, snuggling up to him like a kitten.
He
put his arm around her and lay facing her.
Surprisingly, that was all he did.
“I
know you think you can’t sleep with me again,” he sighed. “But why?”
“I
just can’t see any point, if the relationship can’t go any further. I’m sorry.”
“I’m
sorry, too. But leaving my wife just isn’t
an option right now.”
“And
I don’t want to be your mistress. I
don’t want to share you.”
“I
wish we could just live for right now.”
“I’m
sorry but I’m not like that, John.”
He
closed his eyes. Soon he seemed to be
actually dozing. She decided to enjoy
just being there with him for awhile.
She
must have dozed off, too, she realized, as she reopened her eyes. He was still lying with his eyes closed,
breathing evenly.
“I’d
better go now,” she said.
He
did not move his arm, and smiled. Then he gave her a quick kiss. “I could make you stay,” he whispered.
“I
guess you could,” she said, “But you won’t.”
“No,
I won’t.” He lifted his, letting her sit
up. “Good night, Lauren. What time do you want to go to breakfast?”
She
was putting her shoes back on. “Oh,
about six thirty. Why don’t you knock on
my door when you’re ready. I don’t have
a watch.”
“Okay.”
His eyes were still closed.
She
smiled down at him, still lying there.
“Good night, John.”
***
Their
presentation had gone really well—just as they’d planned it. The group had really seemed to learn from
it. After the last session of the day,
several of them had gone to the lounge for a few drinks, then dinner and
dancing.
Several
friends she had met on the project were there, and she was having a great time
dancing and talking with them. Many of
them complimented her on the presentation.
She felt as if she were glowing, and wondered if John had noticed. But he seemed to be busy making the
acquaintance of two of the other women.
She
tried to tell herself to ignore this—it was stupid to be jealous. After all, if he wanted a bed partner, he had
to look elsewhere—she had made that clear to him. Still it hurt just a little. She knew he really did want her, and if she
would only give in, she could please him.
But she had made a promise to herself, and she had to stand by it.
So
the evening wound down. She had to admit
she felt a thrill when he asked her for the last dance and held her very
close. The bar was closing down, and he
asked if he could walk her to her room.
She said yes.
As
they reached her door, she smiled up at him.
“I know it’s not a good idea for a good-night kiss out here in the hall,
so I guess I’ll have to let you in for a minute.”
“That
sounds promising!” he chuckled.
And
she had barely turned from closing her door when he gathered her into his arms,
kissing her very deeply. “You are still
so special to me,” he breathed. He
tilted her head back and kissed her again
Then
she drew back. “I wish I could control
my emotions.”
“Don’t
try.” He drew her closer again.
“But
it’s just the opposite--if I could control my emotions and not worry about
tomorrow, I could let go and say yes--but I can’t, and I know it.”
“Well,
you’re wise to know yourself.”
“I
think I’m finally beginning to.”
“Then
I guess I’d better say good-night,” he sighed.
He kissed her one more time.
“You’re sure?”
She
nodded.
Then
he smiled and opened the door.
“Good-night, Lauren. I still love
you.”
“Me,
too—I mean, I love you, too.”
***
Very
early the next morning, they headed for the airport so he could catch his
plane. Hers would be later that
morning. There did not seem to be a lot
to say, as they sipped coffee at a small café near the departure gates. After a few minutes of awkward silence, she
knew it was time to tell him what she really wanted to say:
“John,
I want you to know that I’ll be praying for you—that God will work things out
with you and your marriage—according to his plan. Maybe he has a plan to keep you and your wife
together, and that’s why you can’t leave her now.”
“I’m
only staying right now because of our kids,” he said.
“That
shows me what a good person you are,” she said.
“Not everyone says things like that, so a lot of kids get hurt—like mine
did when Tim left us.” She could feel a
sudden burning in her eyes, and blinked.
‘Don’t cry,’ she told herself. ‘There’s no point in that!’
“That
guy must have been crazy to leave someone like you.”
“If
he and I had known the Lord the way I do now, maybe things would have been
different—at least we could have prayed more about it all.”
He had reached across the table now, and
taken her hand. In spite of her efforts,
the tears were beginning to trickle down her cheeks. “I wish there was more I could do, Lauren.”
“I
will be okay. I know now that God really
loves me, and that he does have a plan for my life, even if I can’t see it
right now. I read somewhere that someone
said, ‘I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future’.”
“Meaning
your Lord, right?”
She
nodded and tried in vain to wipe away the tears.
He
just looked back at her for a long time, and then finally smiled. “You are the most amazing person I’ve ever
met, Lauren.”
“You
are, too, John. That’s why I care about
all of you—including your soul.”
Just
then the loudspeaker announced the boarding of his flight.
As
they walked toward his gate, he pulled her to him with one of those strong arms
around her waist. “You are really special, you know that?”
“You
are very special, too, John. I’ll never
forget you.”
Gathering
up his luggage, he headed toward the boarding door. His was a small plane, so he would be walking
across the tarmac to the plane’s stairs.
She followed as far as the guard at the desk.
“I
guess this as far as I can go,” she said.
Somewhere in her mind she could sense the double meaning of this. “Good-bye, John.”
Suddenly he grabbed her, and gave her a kiss
right there in the middle of the airport.
“Good-bye, Lauren.”
Then he turned, walked through the
metal detector and out the door. She
raised a hand to wave, but he wasn’t looking back. The wind whipped his blue suit coat, and the
sun made his gray hair seem to shine. Her
throat was tight, and her eyes blurred, as she watched him disappear into the
plane, as it taxied down the runway, and then hurled itself into the sky.
She
turned slowly, not really caring anymore if anyone saw the tears streaming down
her cheeks. In her mind, she said a
prayer, ‘Lord, please help him to see who you really are. I have done what you asked, and tried to be a
witness for you. Now, I guess it’s in
your hands.’
The
boarding gate for her flight had just posted the departure time when she walked
up to it. She sat down heavily in one of
the black-upholstered waiting area chairs.
Then she pulled out her cell phone and stared at it for a long
time. Finally, she rang up her
daughter’s number. At least now she
could face Ginna—she had done the right thing.
