Completed Version of Lauren's Story

LAUREN’S STORY

1.

Lauren Parker sat at her desk, staring at the phone.  She knew she had to call her daughter and tell her she would be late again.  Why did she dread this?  Perhaps it was because she knew she had been lying to her—or at least not telling the whole truth.

            ‘Ginna is almost seventeen years old,’ she thought.  ‘She deserves to know the truth--’

            Before she could change her mind, she grabbed her cell phone and punched the speed-dial of her home phone.

            “Hello, Mom?”

            Lauren breathed a slight sigh of relief that Ginna had answered, instead of her thirteen-year-old son, Danny.  This would make it easier.

            “Hi, Honey.  I’m going to be late again tonight.  Don’t wait supper on me.”

            “I know—just fix something for the two of us—oh, yeah—it’s just me—Danny isn’t even here.   He’s sleeping over at a friend’s.  How come I’m always the one left home alone?”

            Lauren tried not to feel the ache that Ginna’s sarcasm caused her.

            “So you’re working late on that public relations project?”

            “Partly that.  But John has asked me to join him for dinner, too.”

            “You mean Mr. Cameron, your boss?”

            “Yes.”

            “Isn’t he nearly ten years older than you, Mom—and married?”

            ‘Here goes,’ thought Lauren.  “Yes, he is.  But you don’t realize that ten years is not as big a deal when you’re thirty-five.  It’s not as much of my lifetime so far, as it is for you at sixteen.”

            “Yeah, Mom—I can do the math--”

            “Please, Ginna.  I really need to see where this will go.  I need someone to care about me as a woman.  You have no idea what I went through when your father left.”

            “Danny and I went through a lot, too, Mom!  We still are--”

            “I know, Honey.  You would like to go back to Texas and the home we had there.  But, Ginna, that is all gone.  Tim took it from us, when he walked out.”

            Lauren had to stop.  Her throat was closing on her.  These were feelings she had never wanted to dredge up—the deep, sharp pain of rejection—the feeling that she was worthless, and did not deserve to be loved, ever again.

            “Mom, are you all right?” 

            So she could hear the pain.  Ginna had always been perceptive.

            “Yes, Honey.  Don’t wait up for me, okay?”

            “Okay--”

            ‘Well, that could have been worse,’ Lauren thought, after she hung up.  ‘At least I have tried to be up front with her.’

            Just then, John tapped on her half-open office door.  She hastily wiped the tears from her cheeks, and smiled up at him.

            “Ready?”  His voice had a rich, deep tone to it--that always made her feel warm inside.

            “Sure am!”  She grabbed her purse, and walked out the door with him.

            They both worked at the High Plains Nuclear Plant near Deer Path, Colorado.  This was the job that had opened—almost miraculously.  Her degree was in public information, and once Tim had left her, she was able to fall back on it. 

When this job had showed up on her Internet query, it was too good to pass up, even though it meant leaving Texas—which had been harder on Danny and Ginna than she’d thought it would.  Still, she really did enjoy the job, and it kept her mind off the emptiness of their little house at the edge of town.

            Actually, she felt guilty at times that the lives of her two children were not enough to keep her happy and occupied.  But she knew she needed this job as a way to feel valuable—like she was contributing something to the world—besides the fact that Tim was very lax in paying child support, and so they needed her paychecks to get by. 

            By now, she and John were standing in front of the elevator that would take them from their third-floor offices to the ground level.  While they were standing there, Lauren heard her phone buzz. 

            “You have a call?” John asked.

            She looked quickly at the phone’s screen.  “Just a text from my daughter.  I’ll read it later.”

            With a chime, the elevator arrived and the door slid open.   They stepped in, and noted that they were alone.  As soon as the door slid shut, John took her hand and drew her closer to him.  When the light for the second floor came on and back off, he tilted her face up and kissed her deeply.

            “Oh, Lauren, I know you’re probably hungry, but I just want to be alone with you.”

            She looked up into his shining gray eyes.  He was not a truly handsome man, but he had something that set her heart pounding.  And it was so good to feel that she had value to someone again—especially to someone like John.

2.

Ginna sighed as she hung up the phone.  So Mom was having an affair—that seemed pretty clear.  Not that she hadn’t suspected--after all, she was not born yesterday.

            ‘I just don’t want Mom to get hurt again,’ she thought.

            She understood how Mom still felt the pain of the divorce.  But why couldn’t she find someone closer to her own age—someone who wasn’t already married? 

            Well, Deer Path was a small town, she knew, and there weren’t a lot of eligible guys around.  She had a boyfriend now at school, Ryan.  He was fun to be with, but she couldn’t see spending the rest of her life with him.  It was just nice to have a date to Prom, and someone to hang out with on weekends.  

Danny was in junior high now, and seemed to be getting established with a circle of friends.  In fact, tonight he was studying at Devon’s, and would stay the night.  Sure, it was a school night, but their mother was lenient about such things.

            Thinking of Ryan made her wonder what kinds of feelings her mother had for John Cameron.  ‘I guess I really don’t know how it feels to be in love—yet.  Not counting the feelings I experience for Jon,’ she sighed. ‘But those are Martina’s feelings—not my own.  At least I hope that’s so--”

She wondered how it had felt for her mother when she had first fallen in love with Tim.  They had met in high school, too.  But now Mom had been warning Ginna not to marry too young—like she and Tim had.  Still, they had been happy once—they must have. 

            ‘I guess I can understand Mom feeling like she needs to get even with Dad,’ she thought.  ‘But is this the way to do it?  I shouldn’t be in this position, having to lecture my own mother on morality.  It should be the other way around.  But maybe it’s better to say what I think and get criticized for it.  The other way—if I don’t say what I feel—I may wish later that I had.’

 So, with a sigh, she decided to tell Mom how she really felt about this, and got out her new cell phone to send her a text.

            When she had sent the text, she found she could not get her mind off the divorce—that was really frustrating!  The big split had not come until Ginna was almost twelve.  She could still hear the angry words in her mind:

            “I’ve found someone else, Lauren.  I’m sorry--”

            “You bastard!  Why?  Wasn’t I good enough for you?  Wasn’t it enough that I gave up my career for yours?  That I gave you two beautiful children!  How can you do this to us?”

            “You always talk about what you gave up!  Don’t you see that makes me feel guilty?”

            “Why should you feel guilty?  I love you, and I’d do anything for you, Tim!”

            “The only thing you can do for me now is to let me go free!”

            “Alright then—go free!  Get out of here, and never come back!  I don’t want to ever see your lying face again!”

            Of course, Ginna knew they did have to see each other again—in divorce court.  Each had to hire a lawyer, to help sort out who got what—Dad got the house, because by that time Mom had found this job in Colorado.  Mom had custody of her and Danny, and Dad had some visitation rights.  But for some reason that Ginna didn’t understand, he never had used them.  She and Danny had not seen him for the five years since the divorce.

            Now Ginna found tears sliding down her cheeks.  She should be over all this by now!  Why did she have to even think about it?  Angry with herself, she stomped onto the rickety back porch and looked westward toward the Rocky Mountains, that loomed far away on the horizon.   

Once—nearly five years ago now—she and Danny had stood looking at a sunset similar to this one.  And the two strangers had come—Jon and Jael.  They were time-travelers from the future, a Parallel Universe, they said.   Their story had been one of finding hope in spite of trials and problems, and it had seemed to help Danny somehow.  She was not sure whether anything would help her with the swirling turmoil of emotions she kept locked inside. 

The second time they had come, Martina—Jael’s sister-- had come, too.  Having another girl to talk to had helped some. For a while she had been ‘inside’ Martina, too—sharing all her emotions and thoughts—both the good and the bad. 

“I could sure use a visit now,” she sighed aloud.  “I really miss Martina.  But I know they don’t come when I want them—only when I really need them.”

            Still, she kept her gaze on the horizon, wishing she could see figures walking toward her—as they had before.  Soon, however, the sun had dipped behind the Front Range (as Colorado people called it) and the shadows of evening stretched across the open field behind their house.

            This little old house on the edge of town was supposed to have been temporary—“until we can find something better”—Mom had said.  But she didn’t even bother with saying that anymore.  Every time Dad’s child support was late—or didn’t come at all—she would just shrug and say, “Guess we’ll just keep on renting for awhile.”

Once—nearly five years ago now—she and Danny had stood looking at a sunset similar to this one.  And the two strangers had come—Jon and Jael.  They were time-travelers from the future, a Parallel Universe, they said.   Their story had been one of finding hope in spite of trials and problems, and it had seemed to help Danny somehow.  She was not sure whether anything would help her with the swirling turmoil of emotions she kept locked inside. 

The second time they had come, Martina—Jael’s sister-- had come, too.  Having another girl to talk to had helped some. For a while she had been ‘inside’ Martina, too—sharing all her emotions and thoughts—both the good and the bad. 

“I could sure use a visit now,” she sighed aloud.  “I really miss Martina.  But I know they don’t come when I want them—only when I really need them.”

            Still, she kept her gaze on the horizon, wishing she could see figures walking toward her—as they had before.  Soon, however, the sun had dipped behind the Front Range (as Colorado people called it) and the shadows of evening stretched across the open field behind their house.

            This little old house on the edge of town was supposed to have been temporary—“until we can find something better”—Mom had said.  But she didn’t even bother with saying that anymore.  Every time Dad’s child support was late—or didn’t come at all—she would just shrug and say, “Guess we’ll just keep on renting for awhile.”

            At last, the sky turned to the purplish shade of twilight, and the first star—which was probably a planet, she mused—shone above her.  Ginna turned and went toward the door.  Suddenly, a figure stepped out of the shadows at the other end of the porch.

            Ginna screamed.

            3.

            Lauren sat in the airport, waiting.  She had sat and stared for most of this two-hour layover in Denver.  Once, she had re-read that text from Ginna.  She had gotten it that night when she and John had first made love.  But she had not read it until afterwards, and she felt guilty about that, for Ginna had said:

            “Mom, don’t think you’ll get back at Dad this way.  You’re the one who’ll get hurt, not Dad.”

            Lauren sighed and looked at her watch.   Only twenty more minutes.  And John would be on the plane when she boarded.  She didn’t know quite how to feel.  There was anticipation and excitement, mingled with a cool aloofness she hoped she could maintain.  She thought things might be different now—not like the last time she was with him, when they had fallen into each other’s arms so easily.  She didn’t think she should let herself go like that, this time. 

            Now that he was not working in the same office she was, they had not seen each other for awhile.  She was not sure she could handle the emotional turmoil of an affair anymore, especially since he had shown no inclination to leave his wife.  She really did not like the idea of being ‘the other woman’.  Besides all that, she knew now that she really needed to share some things with him about spiritual matters.  Why did that always seem so hard for her to do?

            Soon she was walking toward the jetway to board the plane, surrounded by a crush of people.   She felt alone in this crowd, enveloped in her own sphere of thoughts.  No one around her could have guessed that soon she would be seeing her lover’s face again.

            The crowd flowed down the corridor, taking her with it.  There was the door of the plane, the smiling flight attendant checking her boarding pass.  Around the corner, through the first class section into the coach cabin—three seats to the left, two to the right.  Her eyes began to roam across the heads.  They stopped to the right, halfway back.  There he was—the smile and upraised hand.  She nodded and moved to take the seat beside him.

            “Hi,” she said softly.

            “How are you?”

            “Oh, I’m fine.” The conversation was a bit awkward at first, so she asked, “How is your sailing going?”

            “Oh, the weather hasn’t been very good.  I ran in a six-mile road race last weekend, though.”

            She found herself glancing at his broad shoulders and trim chest.  He was very well-built for his age.  And, yes—sexy, too.

            Soon they started comparing notes on the presentation they were to give at the conference in St. Louis.  She had carefully prepared, wanting to make a good impression.

            “I just threw some stuff in my briefcase,” he laughed.  “We can put it all together later.  I know you will do great.”

            “You can afford to be that way,” she smiled.  “You’re already a supervisor—not like little me, who is trying so hard to get noticed in the organization.  Besides, your part of the presentation is the more general stuff.  Mine is more technical, and has to be precise.”

            “That’s why it’s good you have that part,” he chuckled.  “You know, you’re good at what you do.”

            “Sure wish the higher-ups would give me credit for what I did,” she said.  “Now my boss is telling me to settle down and just do my old job.”

            “You’re kidding!  Well, someday they will give credit where credit is due.”

            “I sure hope so.  Sometimes I get the feeling that I just got used as cheap labor on this special project.”

            “Sounds a little bitter to me.”

            “Well, I do feel like I haven’t been treated fairly.”

            “Just hang in there for awhile.  Things will change.”

            “That’s all I can do, I guess.  And I am excited about this presentation—I hope it goes well.”

            “With your thorough preparations, I’m sure it will,” he smiled.

            By this time the plane was on its final approach to St. Louis airport.

***

            The first two days of the conference were very interesting.  They were able to listen to the other presentations and discuss approaches to take with theirs, which would be on the third day.  The evening before their presentation, they sat in his room and worked on preparations.  After he had finished his part, he flopped on the bed:  “I’m bushed!”

            “Me too.  I think I’ll head for bed.”

            “So come on—join me,” he teased.

            “You think I won’t?”  She slipped herself in beside him, snuggling up to him like a kitten.

            He put his arm around her and lay facing her.  Surprisingly, that was all he did.

            “I know you think you can’t sleep with me again,” he sighed.  “But why?”

            “I just can’t see any point, if the relationship can’t go any further.  I’m sorry.”

            “I’m sorry, too.  But leaving my wife just isn’t an option right now.”

            “And I don’t want to be your mistress.  I don’t want to share you.”

            “I wish we could just live for right now.”

            “I’m sorry but I’m not like that, John.”

            He closed his eyes.  Soon he seemed to be actually dozing.  She decided to enjoy just being there with him for awhile.

            She must have dozed off, too, she realized, as she reopened her eyes.  He was still lying with his eyes closed, breathing evenly.

            “I’d better go now,” she said.

            He did not move his arm, and smiled. Then he gave her a quick kiss.  “I could make you stay,” he whispered.

            “I guess you could,” she said, “But you won’t.”

            “No, I won’t.”  He lifted his, letting her sit up.  “Good night, Lauren.  What time do you want to go to breakfast?”

            She was putting her shoes back on.  “Oh, about six thirty.  Why don’t you knock on my door when you’re ready.  I don’t have a watch.”

            “Okay.” His eyes were still closed.

            She smiled down at him, still lying there.  “Good night, John.”

***

            Their presentation had gone really well—just as they’d planned it.  The group had really seemed to learn from it.  After the last session of the day, several of them had gone to the lounge for a few drinks, then dinner and dancing.

            Several friends she had met on the project were there, and she was having a great time dancing and talking with them.  Many of them complimented her on the presentation.  She felt as if she were glowing, and wondered if John had noticed.  But he seemed to be busy making the acquaintance of two of the other women. 

            She tried to tell herself to ignore this—it was stupid to be jealous.  After all, if he wanted a bed partner, he had to look elsewhere—she had made that clear to him.  Still it hurt just a little.  She knew he really did want her, and if she would only give in, she could please him.  But she had made a promise to herself, and she had to stand by it.

            So the evening wound down.  She had to admit she felt a thrill when he asked her for the last dance and held her very close.  The bar was closing down, and he asked if he could walk her to her room.  She said yes.

            As they reached her door, she smiled up at him.  “I know it’s not a good idea for a good-night kiss out here in the hall, so I guess I’ll have to let you in for a minute.”

            “That sounds promising!” he chuckled.

            And she had barely turned from closing her door when he gathered her into his arms, kissing her very deeply.  “You are still so special to me,” he breathed.  He tilted her head back and kissed her again

            Then she drew back.  “I wish I could control my emotions.”

            “Don’t try.”  He drew her closer again. 

            “But it’s just the opposite--if I could control my emotions and not worry about tomorrow, I could let go and say yes--but I can’t, and I know it.”

            “Well, you’re wise to know yourself.”

            “I think I’m finally beginning to.”

            “Then I guess I’d better say good-night,” he sighed.  He kissed her one more time.  “You’re sure?”

            She nodded.

            Then he smiled and opened the door.  “Good-night, Lauren.  I still love you.”

            “Me, too—I mean, I love you, too.”

***

            Very early the next morning, they headed for the airport so he could catch his plane.  Hers would be later that morning.  There did not seem to be a lot to say, as they sipped coffee at a small café near the departure gates.  After a few minutes of awkward silence, she knew it was time to tell him what she really wanted to say:

            “John, I want you to know that I’ll be praying for you—that God will work things out with you and your marriage—according to his plan.  Maybe he has a plan to keep you and your wife together, and that’s why you can’t leave her now.”

            “I’m only staying right now because of our kids,” he said.

            “That shows me what a good person you are,” she said.  “Not everyone says things like that, so a lot of kids get hurt—like mine did when Tim left us.”  She could feel a sudden burning in her eyes, and blinked.  ‘Don’t cry,’ she told herself. ‘There’s no point in that!’

            “That guy must have been crazy to leave someone like you.”

            “If he and I had known the Lord the way I do now, maybe things would have been different—at least we could have prayed more about it all.”

                He had reached across the table now, and taken her hand.  In spite of her efforts, the tears were beginning to trickle down her cheeks.  “I wish there was more I could do, Lauren.”

            “I will be okay.  I know now that God really loves me, and that he does have a plan for my life, even if I can’t see it right now.  I read somewhere that someone said, ‘I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future’.”

            “Meaning your Lord, right?”

            She nodded and tried in vain to wipe away the tears.

            He just looked back at her for a long time, and then finally smiled.  “You are the most amazing person I’ve ever met, Lauren.”

            “You are, too, John.  That’s why I care about all of you—including your soul.”

            Just then the loudspeaker announced the boarding of his flight.

            As they walked toward his gate, he pulled her to him with one of those strong arms around her waist. “You are really special, you know that?”

            “You are very special, too, John.  I’ll never forget you.”

            Gathering up his luggage, he headed toward the boarding door.  His was a small plane, so he would be walking across the tarmac to the plane’s stairs.  She followed as far as the guard at the desk.

            “I guess this as far as I can go,” she said.  Somewhere in her mind she could sense the double meaning of this.  “Good-bye, John.”

             Suddenly he grabbed her, and gave her a kiss right there in the middle of the airport.  “Good-bye, Lauren.”

Then he turned, walked through the metal detector and out the door.  She raised a hand to wave, but he wasn’t looking back.  The wind whipped his blue suit coat, and the sun made his gray hair seem to shine.  Her throat was tight, and her eyes blurred, as she watched him disappear into the plane, as it taxied down the runway, and then hurled itself into the sky.

            She turned slowly, not really caring anymore if anyone saw the tears streaming down her cheeks.  In her mind, she said a prayer, ‘Lord, please help him to see who you really are.  I have done what you asked, and tried to be a witness for you.  Now, I guess it’s in your hands.’

            The boarding gate for her flight had just posted the departure time when she walked up to it.  She sat down heavily in one of the black-upholstered waiting area chairs.  Then she pulled out her cell phone and stared at it for a long time.  Finally, she rang up her daughter’s number.  At least now she could face Ginna—she had done the right thing.