The Truth Behind the Fictionalized
Memoir
For the past couple of months, I’ve been trying to
understand the difference between autobiographical fiction and fictionalized
memoir. It seems to me that it’s
mostly a matter of how much the author reveals of his or her personal
life. With this is mind, I’ve been
laboring on a memoir for the past few years, but to “protect the innocent” I
have changed names, settings, and sequences of events. I guess that means it is a fictionalized
memoir.
However, in the interest of being an advocate for
mental health, I have realized I need to share my true story, so here it is.
Yes, according to the calendar it’s spring, but all
of us in Northwest Montana know that real spring is still a month or more
away. Winter is often a difficult time
for people who suffer from depression. I’m
no exception. For most of my life I
tried to hide this behind a shield of pretense, but that took a heavy toll on
my physical and mental health. I was
afraid of the stigma attached to mental health issues.
Things really took a nosedive in 2003 with
menopause, as anxiety and chronic migraines were added to the mix. In 2005, after trying herbal remedies for
years (St. John’s Wort, Feverfew, Black Cohosh, to name a few), and one
antidepressant (Zoloft) that made me violently ill, I finally agreed with my
doctor to try Lexapro, and it did help.
But new stresses piled on due to family issues, such
as caring for my mother who had Alzheimer’s.
By 2013, I was getting suicidal.
Fortunately, I was directed to an excellent counselor, once I swallowed
my pride and admitted I needed help. It
has taken me another eight years to realize (admit?) that having a place where
I can let go and truly be myself, where I can say what I really think and feel,
is just as important to my treatment as the meds are.
I’m fortunate to be living in a century when some of
the stigmas attached to mental illness are lessening and there are treatments available
to people like me. Every person is
unique, though, so finding the right combination of treatments can be a long
journey. It has been for me.
As I’ve gone through this, I feel that now is the
time to be open and share where I’ve been, hoping this will help someone else
out there.
No, the book isn’t published yet. It still needs to simmer a bit longer. But I feel the journey is finally reaching
some light ahead--at the end of the tunnel.
